Have a Good Day
When I open my eyes
I see the world around me
like trees, flower, people. and me
If I believe in myself
I know just what to do and say
Life is good
to me and you
poem by Kyla Barbosa
**Kyla is my 8 year old sister. She is, pretty much, just like me.
OMG I am so late. But here are some pics from my Birthday party back on June 17. A special day to me for several reasons. Thank you to everyone who came out…Shawn Lawrence James, my older sister India, Animal Behavior, Ray Kairos, Wave, Christine, 106th, Mimi, Shyvonne, DJ Will Gates, J. Cole. Ib, Elite, Omen, GWIZ, Roland, Danyel Smith, Elliott Wilson, John Kennedy, Goat, Donny Goines, Danni, Alex Gale, Laura Checkoway, D. Scott, Omar A., Anthony, Morales… okay, everyone. [** by Rahan Cotterel]
21, ya’ll**
The cake, it’s a stack of books. 
AnimalBehavior y John Kennedy
Sorry, Mámá?
Me y J. Cole
Whose arm is this? I love you.**
It’s Mimi, Baby.**
AB
AB, Waverly, Me**
Omen and J. Cole performing “The Badness” DOPE**
Cole Killin’**
Mas.**
Dannii !**
Loyalty. Those are Let’sJustEatCheese stickers. Omar A. He’s been reading my work since Journalism class in high school.
Trying to hide from a camera, per usual.
106th WORKING.
Shyvonne was AMAZE.**
Never gave a fuck about no high end fashion.**
When I open my eyes
I see the world around me
like trees, flower, people. and me
If I believe in myself
I know just what to do and say
Life is good
to me and you
poem by Kyla Barbosa
**Kyla is my 8 year old sister. She is, pretty much, just like me.
It could be 1:45AM in Times Square. Possibly 2:00AM. No one’s looking for the time on their Blackberry’s, no yawning. Everyone at KMA studios is sitting in an awkward silence, shortly broken with a quiet “Wow.”
“I’ve been sitting on this track for months. I feel intimidated,” rapper J. Cole says. He’s at a table in front of a keyboard and a computer. The music gets louder as his head goes back and forth with the beat. As the song plays he says that he wants to write to this beat. He really wants to write to this beat. He admits he feels stuck, pressured by himself and friends. His hands are moving on the keyboard, speed heightened by the second. Visible focus.
There’s something on the table that looks like a leather diary. Bares the look of something important to someone, to a generation. In a gray Carolina sweatshirt, J. Cole gets up, grabs the leather book and enters the studio booth. The music blares.
We’re all on the other side of the booth. Listening to the words from the leather book. Needles piercing at our innermost feelings about relationships, love, work … and about balance. While J. Cole is rapping, his friends and business partners are reflecting, talking about their girlfriends, eyes filled with intensity. Maybe questioning actions from the past. Maybe wanting to do something different. There’s something about that moment. Witnessing an artist push himself to create – an artist creating – people reacting, turning inside themselves. It’s now, maybe, 3:30AM. And it is true: time doesn’t really matter around here.
The Roc Nation Deal.
It gets tougher. Some artists get a deal and put their feet up thinking they’ve made it. But that’s how you get caught up. A deal was never the goal for me, it was just a step. A hard step to get to, but never the end result. My end result is still much greater. I’m trying to be the fucking best. This isn’t the time to chill. It’s the time to go harder. Now the benefits of going harder seem so much easier than before when you were fighting for it. The word achievement hasn’t come to my mind. I still have so far to go.
Photo by Rahan Cotterel
Check out Rahan’s amazing work at http://kairosray.carbonmade.com/. He updates frequently. Greatness.
Photos by Rahan Cotterel
“And I would absolutely have to thank my photographer, because without him, the camera is all lies of a different sort. I mean, look at the pictures. That takes a lot of work.”
Somewhere in Malibu with the water again. Been here all day waiting for the sun. Waiting for change. Wanting an unknown number to call. Drink and smoke hoping inspiration will come. Say things repeatedly, put things in my vision. Change will come. Faith. Believe. Finding it hard not to hate in the process. Hard to love during the interim. Having fun with all the wrong ones. Thinking in forms of content. In forms of stories. I’d like to tell a story of change one day. I loved me. I loved you. I accepted and lived in the moment. Let go and healed from my first love. Healed from the pain of my parents. I stopped visiting psychics. I stopped pushing friends away. Made an honest attempt at describing this breakdown. Satisfied with writing. Hung-over from wine and lovemaking. Okay with the flight of the water and the setting of the sun. Somewhere dancing, drinking, with the water again. In need of something real. In need of something different.
photo by Rahan Cotterel
“If you’re cool. Then I’m cool. Then we’re cool.”
Everyone’s here. We’re dancing. The steps of home. Of our own islands. We’re all here. The wine is touching every part of me. As if I’m moving. Moving out of an apartment. Moving out of an office. Moving out from you. I’m touching everything. We’re talking about being a woman. Domestic violence. It’s our fault. It’s not our fault. Heart, mind, body, feet, hands, lips say goodbye. The things we worry about. Being judged. Being sexual. Wanting sex. Wanting just sex. Lips say goodbye. We laugh about a lot. About sex. About lack of sex. The snow in Malibu. Everyone’s here. We’re beautiful. So many of us. The wine is touching every part of me. Body temperature mounting. Speaking to everyone. Touching everyone. We’re all coming. It’s all coming. Back. I remember this. Large rooms and crowds of people. Subways, streets, Manhattan. In my mind. When my flowers are the most attractive, I am alone standing next to everything.
photo by Rahan Cotterel
Personally, I call this one. “Come Back Rahan Cotterel.”
