“I’m reading. And it’s making me have a lump in my stomach. And my chest burns.”

September 22nd. Let’s talk about it next week.

Saturday Night with AB, MARIA, 106th.

like the river, we been running.

Allure; atlantic

We’re going to these meetings but we’re not doing any meeting. We try to stay faithful but we’re cheating, cheating, cheating.

* * *

We were the young ones in the office. Young and impressionable. The world was so easy to us. My boss and I arrive at a magazine launch party. I left my fake ID at home. You arrived before me, with yours ready to enter. Boss said a couple words and we were in. The young ones. This was the night the older ladies tried to “hook us up.” We laughed. We connected already. Did we kiss that night? You know, at the party? I remember taking a picture together. Said you can have the picture when you don’t belong to her anymore. I think we did kiss. You asked me what it felt like. I said, the ocean, as I hopped in a taxi to meet my boyfriend at home.

* * *

She was crying on the 6 train. I wondered why. I felt happy and maybe subconsciously in my movement, my demeanor, my face so content, I wanted her to see me happy. It was evil. I get to my apartment. It’s dark and late. Would you like to restore your last session? The computer asked. Yes. And that was it. My boyfriend cheated on me. Was this before or after that magazine launch party? I apologized in my heart to the random girl on the train.

* * *

Both of you are gone. I feel light. Maybe it’s the gym. Now that there’s no “real love.” It feels so urgent.

* * *
I want you to love me already.
I love you because we are the same person.
This is unfulfilled. But fill me up, fill me up.
Until then.

* * *

Met a young boy around 18. Beautiful curly brown hair. His build suggests he should play football when he starts college in the fall. I imagine what I could teach him. What I taught you. And you. What you never got. What you did so well. I monitor his nervousness while I stand in front of him. Smiling. In a dangerous way. He’s young. Delicate and innocent with a tattoo on his forearm that says live today for a better tomorrow.

Hand It Down

FRIDAY, August 21st @ Santos Party House.

You ain’t right. Take me high. Then that high, it subsides and my body flat lines. Then you come to revive. Wait Wait Wait, I’m alive

poison.

The Unsuitable Woman

“I met her 20 years later. She had married a graphic designer who was about her age, very intelligent and talented, and she was still a landscape architect. He loved her madly. It was obvious in everything he did—he adored her. They were a wonderful couple. He loved her and admired her talent and praised her. What had he seen that I hadn’t? They had no children, they were devoted to each other, they seemed very happy and well-suited to each other.

Their happiness made me think that I had judged her wrongly before; that the selfishness and incompetence I had seen in her had been in me—my faults.

I had been suspicious all those years ago when she had been so willing. But she’d been sincere. She’d found someone who appreciated her, needed her, loved her, and his love had improved her, too.” -paul theroux

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Saturday Night with Animal Behavior.

The only fun in Boston. That’s me. All black everything.

And if cupid’s got a gun, then he’s shooting.

ESQUIRE: Listening to your lyrics, there’s definitely a sensitivity there. What’s that album about? Have you grown since then?

LYKKE LI: It’s about heartbreak. It’s about being 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 — that’s the hardest part, maybe, in my life at least. You have so many visions of life. And then, one at a time, they all burst, and you have to deal with the disappointment. And for me, now the feeling is like what I was experiencing when I first started: Back then I was like, “I’m so lost. Where do I belong?” And now I’m just like, “Okay, where do I belong?”via esquire

Hey, you want some water?

Kanye West just made my Friday.

Maria

I’ve had a lot of sex this year. Good morning sex. Good afternoon sex. Goodnight my love sex. Half-sleep sex. Sympathy sex. Comfortable with you sex. This is all we have sex. Hurry please sex. Forget the wrong I did sex. I don’t really like your scent sex. Take me sex. Anywhere sex. Came. The passionate sex. Danced around calling it love sex. Warm sex. Big sex. Stay here sex. You can sleep inside me sex. I enjoy your time-taking, kissing, sucking, feeling right before it fits like a puzzle sex.

She lit her cigarette and said: Challenge yourself to a year of celibacy and achievement. My immediate response was: This year has been good.

Adaptation is a profound process. Means you figure out how to thrive in the world.

Charlie Kaufman: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
Donald Kaufman: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
Charlie Kaufman: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.
Donald Kaufman: I remember that.
Charlie Kaufman: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at *me*. You didn’t know at all. You seemed so happy.
Donald Kaufman: I knew. I heard them.
Charlie Kaufman: How come you looked so happy?
Donald Kaufman: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn’t have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
Charlie Kaufman: But she thought you were pathetic.
Donald Kaufman: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That’s what I decided a long time ago.
from the movie Adaptation